


only the lonely survive.

by Sagamohr



Series: to hold you tonight. [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Grief/Mourning, Illusions, Light Petting, Mind Trickery, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Touching, Other, POV Second Person, Rape, Reader-Insert, Slight Canon Divergence, Vague Memory Manipulation, alternative universe-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:42:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sagamohr/pseuds/Sagamohr
Summary: It's been a month or so since Thor's left. Six weeks, really, but you're not counting, right? So it's a very happy surprise when he shows up at your doorstep.Or, a fic in which the Reader longs for someone they can't have, and are suddenly in a situation they never thought they would be in.Sequel to 'let's delay our misery'.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Thor (Marvel)/Reader
Series: to hold you tonight. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1597321
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	only the lonely survive.

**Author's Note:**

> I have been chipping away at this since I posted LDOM, so I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes. Not beta'd.  
> Triggers are explained at the end to avoid 'spoilers'.

Winter had melted into a wet, desolate spring.

Sure, the snow had melted, but the lingering cold made it hard to get out of bed in the morning. The snow was gone, had been gone for weeks, but the bitterly cold winds still reminded you of your time in the cabin. The fingers of cold wind that stroked down your spine reminded you of pushing the car out of the snow banks, getting back to a properly plowed roads. Puddles of water lay stagnant along the streets, children narrowly missing them with their big winter boots. It was cold, constantly. Your office still had the heat on, allowing coworkers to bring in their own personal table top heaters in if they wanted to.

It was like nothing could warm you up now that Thor was gone again.

You jingled your car keys, adjusting the big woolly scarf around your neck and over your chin as you wandered towards your car. The wind whipped around you from the small windows at the top of the wall, a promise of sunlight when you left. You had actually left a little early, just enough to avoid the usual rush and anxiety that happened in an underground parking lot. Time to go home. Back to your one bedroom apartment again. Back to a cold lonely space you were growing tired of. You knew you were projecting your need for Thor into everything. You missed him, who wouldn’t? Unlocking your car, you tossed your work bag into the back, stabbed your key into the ignition and got inside. You cranked the heat up, your hands already trembling. How was it colder inside the car than outside?

It didn’t take long to get the car warmed up and ready to go. You drove home, the drive easy and something you had done probably hundreds if not thousands of times by this point. It wasn’t like roads were diverted, or your route scrambled every few months. The same buildings with the same advertisements propped on top only changing once every three months. So far, you have seen the same plastic smiling face of some lady selling toothpaste for the hundredth time. How could anyone be so happy selling a product so common, that the idea of selling it like that was just ridiculous?

Once you made it home, you dropped your keys into the little dish by the door, toeing your shoes off. You unwound the scarf from around your neck and shoulders, draping it across the back of the small chair you had propped by the table for that exact reason. Your jacket followed, dropping onto the seat of the chair. You walked into the kitchen, grabbing the glass jar to water the plants you had dotted around the apartment. It was the first thing you did after a long work day, because you rarely had time in the morning to do it then. Thor had laughed at you when you spoke gently to them, asking you why you did that. ‘Because they respond to positive tones, especially when they’re being watered.’ You had told him, frowning when he chuckled, not unlike an adult laughing at a child’s belief in Santa Claus.

_ “It’s true!” You told him, narrowing your eyes at him when he had nodded slowly at you. “This beautiful little fern was struggling in the shop when I picked her up! Browned leaves, droopy...” You lightly feathered your touch against the bright green eagle fern plant, her leaves wide and strong. This had been a rehabilitation project, plain and simple. It had been a long recovery process too, but it was one you were particularly proud of. Thor laughed, shaking his head. He had seen the fern first hand only a month ago, when you had taken him plant shopping to replace the one that had been knocked off your balcony by the neighbour’s cat.  _

_“I believe you, I do,” He said, standing up from the couch to approach you, one of his hands finding your waist, the other running along the length of the fern’s branch. He pulled you in closer as you drape your arms as best as you could along his shoulders “You have a magic in you, I’ve never seen anyone bring a dead plant back to life like you have.” He mimicked the soft touch from the fern to your face, running his knuckles gently down the side of your face. “You would have been revelled on Asgard.”_

You jolted when the cold water splashed over your hand. You had overfilled the jar. 

Thinking about Thor could do that to you. 

Dumping the excess water out of the jar, you spent the next little while watering your plants. You gently encouraged them to grow, to soak up the cool spring sunlight to the best of their abilities, promising to repot them once they were just a little bigger. Once that was done, you stuck a few sticky notes to your door: Pick up plant food. Pick up milk and eggs. Visit Miss Dorris in 9C. Maybe rekindling old friendships would help make this hole Thor had left in your being smaller. You had to try. You had to do something to drive the deep dark sadness away. 

The sinking sun threw your apartment into a soft orange pink light, the colors not matching the temperature in any sense.

It was growing late. You grabbed whatever salvageable leftovers from the fridge and put them in the microwave, praying they would be fine for just one more hour. You missed your intergalactic boyfriend’s cooking. You sulked into your bedroom, shedding your work clothes for something more comfortable. A long t-shirt and shorts, eyes drifting to the bundle by the end of the bed. You picked up the fur blankets that you had diligently packed into your car that morning when Thor left. They smelt like fire and him, and they kept you warm. You took solace in them whenever you could, which seemed to be a nightly thing. Pulling one around you, you returned to the living room, this time taking a seat at the desk by your balcony door. 

At first, when you had moved out here away from your family, you were thrilled with the idea that the apartment didn’t come with cable. It would have been your first decision, to order it and have it installed.

But then you realized how expensive it was. 

They typical bundle most companies sell - for internet, phone and cable - would render you practically bankrupt by the end of the month. You had a cheap cell phone plan, you had the cheapest internet package… you didn’t need a houseline when you had a cellphone. You didn’t need cable when you could watch anything you liked online already. So, you drew the fur blanket closer around you, loaded up the next episode of The Handmaid's Tale, and got comfortable for an hour of pure mind fuckery. At some point you remembered your leftovers in the microwave, and unsure of if you really wanted to eat after watching an episode, you shrugged the fur off and padded into the kitchen. You didn’t want to waste it.

As you were walking back to the kitchen to dump your plate, a firm knock landed on your door.

It was nearly ten o’clock at night. Who on Earth would that be?

You weren’t in the right clothes to entertain anyone, but your robe - and the fur blanket - were too far to run back and grab, besides, this could be an emergency! Another knock, still firm still two notes. “Coming!” You called, deciding that whoever it was would take one look at you, and not want to bother you. You reached the door, fixing your knocked crooked sticky notes before twisting the locks, opening the door open a crack. “Can I he-”

It was Thor.

_It was Thor._

You stared up at him, tears springing to your eyes at the simple sight of him. God damn, you were a mess.

“Are you going to let me in, little one?” He rumbled softly, smiling down at you.

“You’re back!” You breathed, stepping back to let the hulking mass into your apartment. “Thor, you’re back already, why? Are you okay, did Quill-”

He swept you up into his arms once he was inside and the door had been closed, showering your face with kisses, effectively shutting you up. You wouldn’t stop him, you had missed this, you missed the way he adored you in his affection, in his adoration. “I have missed you,” Thor whispered against your hair, holding you close. “I’ve missed you more than I could count the stars in the sky.”

“I’ve missed you too,” You replied, kissing his cheek, his temple, his jaw, knowing your face was flush from his words. He knew exactly what to say to make you blush. “Why are you back so soon?” Your hands pressed against his shoulders, your toes narrowly touching the floor from how your God boyfriend held you.

Thor set you down, shepherding you backwards into the living room. “I missed you, is that not enough?” He told you, his eyes spelling out what he wanted. You were keen to get down to it, too, but you were curious. Thor hadn’t known when he would have been back when you two were in the cabin, what had changed? What had happened? Why didn’t he try and tell you beforehand that he was coming home like he had every single time before then? “You’re thinking too much,” He whispered, taking your wrist, bringing your palm up to his mouth to kiss the skin there. “Take me to bed.”

You reached up and grabbed his jaw, pulling him down to kiss you. His hands encircled your waist, easing you up once more into his arms and he walked down the short hallway that would take you both to the bedroom. For half a moment you were worried that he would see the clothes on the floor and scoff, he would stop to help you clean. Instead he simply deposited you on the bed, crawling up on top of you quickly, kissing you soundly. You kissed him, happy - no, elated - that he was back in your arms where he belonged. One of his hands travelled down between the two of you, finding you through the thin shorts you wore, and you gasped into his mouth.

“You’re so eager,” He murmured, kissing your chin, layering kisses down your neck. “You’ve been waiting for me for so long…” His fingers flexed, you jerked your hips up to his hungry touch. “I’ve waited just as long, little one.”

Little one.

He pulled back only slightly, pinning your hips down with his as he looked down at you. You looked through your eyelashes at him, noticing with some concern that he didn’t look at you like he normally did. Thor was looking _down_ at you, as if you were nothing more than a thing, nothing more than a warm body in a bed. It made you shiver, and he softened the way he looked at you, both of his hands finding the hem of your shirt to pull it up over your head. “You’re trembling.” He said quietly, leaning down to kiss your bare chest, talented tongue finding a nipple. Your hand found his hair and you gently pulled. He continued to suck and lick and roll your nipple in his mouth, guided by the tugging of his hair.

Once you were panting with need - and want - he leaned back once again, pants tented with his own obvious need. He moved, sitting on the bed instead of on you, and groped himself through his pants. “Come to me,” Thor said, a husk in his voice. “I want to feel your delicious mouth around my cock.”

You knew in the back of your mind that this wasn’t how Thor spoke to you. Consent - verbal consent, actually - was something you both took seriously. Thor also didn’t really talk ‘dirty’ to you, instead he relished in making you wait, in making you beg and plead until he himself caved and gave you what it was you wanted. In the back of your mind, you knew that something was off.

Maybe he was drunk.

His eyes had been clear when you saw him in the doorway.

“Little one, please.” Thor urged, reaching for your wrist. “I need you, always.”

Always. The word tightened like a noose around your heart and you obliged, crawling towards him, reaching for his straining cock. He almost hissed when you pushed your hand into the waistband of his pants, gripping him. His fingers found the curve of your jaw and yanked your mouth up to his, kissing you hungrily, his free hand finding your shorts, slipping his fingers past the flimsy material.

Something _shimmered_ when he found your hole, as if his concentration wasn’t holding.

Under the illusion of your boyfriend, of the God that treasured you, lurked Loki, his troublesome and Trickster half brother.

He purred, knowing he was found out from the look on your face. “I’ll wear his face for you, pet.” He told you softly, his voice changing, dropping half of the act. You tried to pull your hand from his pants, but the hand that had been at your jaw now gripped your wrist. “I’ll keep his face on, just for you, because I know how endlessly you miss him.” His words were laced with a deadly poison, and you knew you couldn’t escape them, or him.

You choked, when he finally released you, and pushed you backwards onto the bed. Thor’s uniform disappeared, instead leaving Loki in what looked like black joggers and an open black shirt. Had he been waiting for Thor to leave to do this? Had he re-appeared in your life, only after Thor was safely in another galaxy, so he could wreak havoc on the carefully constructed life you were returning to? “Stop thinking so much,” Loki hissed, returning to his place on top of you, conjuring up what looked like crushed velvet ropes. “I can hear your thoughts from here, and I wasn’t as blessed as my mother.”

You flinched as he recklessly tied your wrists to the headboard, before he returned to kneeling between your spread legs. “No wonder my brother has fallen so stupidly in love with you.” He murmured, more for himself, as he traced a line down your leg from the edge of your shorts. “He believes you love him just as much as he loves you.” His dark eyes glittered, unkindly and cold in the darkness of your bedroom. “You do, don’t you?”

“Why are you here?” You ask, testing the strength of the ropes. It was jarring, seeing Thor’s face on Loki’s body, hearing Loki’s voice drip from Thor’s mouth.

“Pet, you wound me.” He presses a hand over the space where his heart would have been if he had one. “I’m here to indulge you.” Loki paused, and when he spoke again, he sounded like your boyfriend. “Didn’t you miss me, little one? Didn’t you miss the way I make you feel when I’m fucking you?”

“Let me go!”

“And spoil my appetite?” It was your voice now, and you stopped, frozen. You had said that in the cabin. How did he know that? Loki chuckled, and resumed his slow torture of kissing you from your belly button up to your chin, lowering himself onto you, as his fingers plucked at your shorts. “No, pet. I shall taste you just as he tastes you, and you will enjoy it.”

Suddenly he rocked back on his heels, gripped the waistband of your shorts and flung them onto the floor. You had skipped putting underwear on; you slept naked most nights. His eyes sparkled, and he traced a finger around your belly button and down. “You are delightful,” Loki hummed, fingers finding your slick entrance. “Eager for something you didn’t realize you wanted.”

You didn’t want this. The last thing you wanted was for Loki to even be on Earth, let alone in your bedroom, in your bed, attempting to rape you. You tried to kick him, but he held your leg down, eyes flickering from your groin up to your own. You flinched under Thor’s gaze, frightened of the magic Loki wheeled. “I am trying to make this as comfortable as I can for you, little one. Do not make me regret my choices.”

“Then quit hiding behind your brother’s face, coward.” You spat, trembling in your bonds.

Loki dropped Thor’s face and you sobbed, angry, hurt, upset that you had fallen so easily for his trap. He kissed your bare hip, kissed up to your belly and your chest. With a wave of his hand his clothes disappeared, and his cock hung heavy between his thighs. “I am not a coward,” He murmured against your skin, kissing your neck, kissing the scars of the marks Thor had left on your skin. He nudged your thighs apart a little more, his weeping cock a loaded promise of what was to come. He was making a mockery of the love you shared with his brother. He was making a plaything out of the way Thor took you to the stars without ever leaving Earth.

You hated him even more for it.

Without much more talking, Loki pushed himself inside of you and you gasped at how similar his cock felt. Was this more trickery? Had he created a physical illusion to his dick? Once he was seated inside of you Loki began to thrust, his movements long but fast, an equal pressure sliding in and out of you. You buried your face against your arm, biting down on your lower lip as Loki took what it was he wanted from you. 

“Ah, min kjærlighet, my darling little pet,” Loki hissed, pressing firm kisses to your neck and chest. “Look at you, submitting not to a God, but to a trickster…”

“Please… stop,” You begged, and groaned in pain when he simply fucked you harder. 

There was no pleasure for you, it wasn’t for you, this was for him.

Before long, his thrusts became frantic, his fingers dug painfully into your hips as he muttered in another language under his breath. Your thighs were sore, your hips were sore, your shoulders ached. You would receive nothing for this, nothing while Loki took everything. With half a shout, the Trickster came, spilling himself into you. His cock twitched as he slowly came down from the afterglow, and you simply cried, sore and tired and hurt much more than you would ever admit to. He pulled himself from you, ran his finger along your swollen hole before he waved his hand.

The crushed velvet rope holding your hands above your head was gone, and he was dressed.

“It’s time for me to go,” He told you, walking to the door. He was Loki of old now, prim posh and proper, as if he hadn’t just raped someone. “It was … a divine pleasure,” He chuckled, as if the joke was meant to soothe the wounds he inflicted on you. “Until next time, pet.”

You don’t know how long you laid there, curled up on your side, sobbing into your pillow as your body ached. You don’t know how long you remain in bed, your cellphone ringing faintly in the living room. It rang a handful of times, then stopped, the silence swelling. It buzzed, chimed with the tone of a new message. You couldn’t move. You didn’t want to. Once you gather the courage and will to move from the mattress, the first thing you did was get yourself into the shower. You cranked the temperature as hot as you could tolerate it, and then scrubbed. 

Scrubbed until you were clean. Scrubbed until you were pink and fresh and aching because the water hurt, not because of Loki and his fingers.

**Author's Note:**

>  _* MEMORY MANIPULATION_ : Loki's a Trickster, and as such he has some control over human memories. He doesn't necessarily manipulate memories in this fic, but its implied.  
>  _* DUBIOUS CONSENT_ : Reader knows at some point that this isn't their Thor, thus any consent previous is now null.  
>  _* LIGHT BONDAGE_ : Loki uses some form of magic to hold the Reader's wrists to the bed.


End file.
